Yours jokes
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
"Is your refiger running?"
"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
Your looking sharp!
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
Stormtrooper: What happened with your garden?
Palpatine: Grew it.
Your head looks like a joke.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
Your mamma so fat, Thanos clapped 4 times.
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.