Yours jokes

The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!

I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

911 help. Hello?

Never mind, forget it. You're so stupid 😡😡😡😡😏

What did your mom say last night? "Go harder!"

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!

Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.

Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

In a Kahoot, and you're the Twin Tower terrorist: terrorist kill streak 2,996.

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?

One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.