Yours jokes

The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Craps on your organ.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.

Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.

Your mama is so ugly.

The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.