Yours jokes
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
You're so fat, that you're fat.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
I want your weight, not your phone number.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?