Yours jokes

Your hairline goes so far back it looks like Will Smith slapped it.

Your mama so fat, it took all the trees to build her a coffin.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?

An hour later, you're hungry—for power!

What's the difference between a priest and customer service?

At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.

What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?

A period.

Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.

Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"

*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"

I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.

It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️

You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.

Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.

Did you get seafood without me?

Why don't orphans like getting lost?

Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"

What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

Your job still sucks!