Yours jokes
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
To Tina: Hi, love, you're my oldest and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live. I luvv you so much, my sweetest, dearest darling.
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right?
Answer: Your right elbow.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.
Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"
Friend B: "I was until last night."
Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"
Friend B: "Your sister."
Friend A: "I don't have a sister."
Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
What are you willing to write in your notebook? These nuts.
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.