Yours jokes
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.
Roses are red, violets are blue, most of your jokes are stolen, is not original to you.
Is that a mirror in your pocket?
'Cause I can see myself in your pants.
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.