Yours jokes
Your mama has slept with so many guys, she's starting to look like one.
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.
I know them all, just like you keep busting onto your computer keyboard, that's why it's always got sticky keys
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Your hairline is like Mount Everest; it points.
Wait, this is the category "dick." Sorry yours isn't long for yo mama to get fucked up.
10 dicks up your mom's ass!
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
Your hairline is lookin' so crusty like KFC chicken and be so discombobulated that it looks like satellite signals. It gives me flippin' sun radiation.
Fat teachers be like: "I hope you're paying a ten chin."
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!