Yours jokes
What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.
You're so fat, when you fall, the sidewalk cracks.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Your hairline is still missing, even Dora can’t explore it!
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
I want your cock in my rock bottom.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.