Yours jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
What happens when an alien connects with your device?
The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
Oh Sans, you're such a bonehead! Sorry if that joke was jaw-breaking! LOL.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.