Yours jokes
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
What's the definition of disappointment?
Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?
You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL