Yours jokes

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

If your left nut was Thanksgiving and your right nut was Christmas, then you wouldn't have any balls because they're holidays.

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."

They will likely reply: "What's updog?"

To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.

So a man walks into the bar. The bartender looks to him and says, "You look like you're having a rough day, tell me about it?"

The man then stood up and became Mario!

Your chest is flatter than pre-Aristotle's concept of Earth.

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Say "I'm a man" after every sentence.

You walk into a bar. (I'm a man.) You find a girl. (I'm a man.) You take her home. (I'm a man.) She whispers in your ear. (I'm a man.)

Them: "You're ugly."

Me: "No, as ugly as your extra chromosome."

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Answer: Your mom.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.