Yours jokes
One person said you are much more beautiful than Cinderella. The next day, you're in court and Cinderella is the witness.
(P.S. she was born to be a drama queen.)
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
When life gives you melons, You’re probably dyslexic.
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Your dad must be a mailman.
If all the class are straight but you think that someone is hiding that he's gay, you're an investiGAYtor.
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
You know we straight with doin' your mom.