Yours jokes
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"
Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."
Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”