Yours jokes

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

Your forehead is so big that it's visible on the world map!

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

When you meet your gf at the family reunion.

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.

If I had a garden, I would put your tulips against my tulips... 🌷