Yours jokes

Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

Your forehead's so big that Michael Jackson could moonwalk across that b*tch.

What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Queen.

Queen who?

You don't know the queen? You're crazy!

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.

What if your Corona test is neutral?

Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.

Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOOF"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your Parents."

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.