Yours jokes

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

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    • Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

    Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

    Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.

    A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

    For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

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    • When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

    Riddles not jokes.

    What has 4 legs but cannot walk?

    What has bark but no bite?

    There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?

    What has holes but can carry water?

    What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?

    What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?

    What can you catch but not throw?

    And last one:

    What can rule, but not command?

    Tell me the answers in the comments.

    Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/

    One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.

    So a man walks into the bar. The bartender looks to him and says, "You look like you're having a rough day, tell me about it?"

    The man then stood up and became Mario!

    Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

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    • Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

    Dad: Ask your sister.

    Daughter: But I don't have a sister.

    Dad: Exactly.

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