Yours jokes

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.

Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.

POV: Your grandma is on life support. I would unplug her life support to charge my third phone.

What did President Ford say when he met Betty?

"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.

WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat…

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."

On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.