You're jokes
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!
Your favorite music artist is Cardi B? I prefer Cardi A+ if I'm being honest.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
What's the artist imagine something?
Imagine Dragons!
Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
I can smell your kids!
What’s your favorite food? Chode in the hole?
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!