You're jokes
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"
I replied, "As soon as possible!"
BULLY vs. QUIET KID
Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.
Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.
QUIET KID WINS
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.