You're jokes
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
A guy goes to the store to buy thyme.
When he got back to put the thyme away he realized he still had thyme left. This was all for nothing, it was just a big waste of your thyme.
I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.
My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
Your mama so white that her first number was 911.
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄
"Squid Game" doll be like: "Gugu la gu, your mom, my balls!"
I bet you're naked under all those clothes. Slut.
Bully: Your mom hates you.
Orphan: I don't have parents ;)
You know the saying "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
Wonderful saying! Horrible way to find out you're adopted! :DD
*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.
*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not."
"Not who?"
"Not your dad."