You're jokes

What did the magician do as a trick in his show?

Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!

Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!

I was doin' your mom, yes yours!

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

When you're in a cage But it's not real!

Being in a cage But you have the key.

Being in a cage But nobody sees you.

Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.

Living and realizing you've been born into one.

Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.

But you can't live without them.

The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.

You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

How do emos compliment each other?

They say, "I like your cuts g."

"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."

Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?

My life.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: At home...

Teacher: What's it doing there?

Student: Having a better time than me.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."