You're jokes
A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"
Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"
The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
Dude, your last name sounds like a seafood shop, Jordan C.!
When you're at your friend's house and her mom starts yelling at you
"Your mum has very small balls. Congrats! I told her, your balls are bigger than your husband's."
Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
I think your hairline is too stupid.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
Your Nan is dead.
Random: What are your hobbies?
Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups 💀
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.