You're jokes
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
I want your cock in my rock bottom.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mail man.
Mailman who?
Bitch, do you want your mail?
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
POV: You're an orphan.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your mom.
Stranger: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Stranger: Not your parents.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!