You're jokes
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
You keep your quality beans for the right season till you realize that you planted them on the infertile land.
You're built like a Windows touchscreen!
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!
American people: We will throw your teabags in the ocean!
British: At least our towers didn’t fall. 😎
Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.
If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
Dear Gwen and Prince,
Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Your forehead is so big that I can’t even see your hairline, and your stupid forehead face.
Type this in your calculator:
5 days a week (type in 5),
6 different classes (type in 6),
7 hours a day (type in 7),
x
2 semesters (type in 2),
=
flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.