You're jokes

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

Your hairline is so far gone that you could build a runway.

Your hairline is so far back that it looks like Putin's tanks steamrolled through.

How to escape your black school teacher in detention?

(Easy)

Turn off the lights!

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

What kind of fruit can fix your sink?

A plum-ber.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

This is how big cats were named.

"I HATE BIG CATS. THAT ONE IS A LIAR, THAT ONE IS A CHEATER. THE ONE IS A POO-MA."

"Lion. Cheetah. Puma. You're getting a promotion."

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Are you a blood bender? 'Cause you're making my blood go south🖤.

I know Marie Antoinette jokes aren't funny, but they're nothing to lose your head over.

Jokes about Marie Antoinette aren't funny, but that's no reason to lose your head.

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

You're really special.

But the R in special is silent.

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!