You're jokes
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.
You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You're so bald, I rub your head to see into the future.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.
Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.
You're so bent and ugly that you'd make Elton John go straight!
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
Yo mama so fat, when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight, not your phone number.”
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.