You're jokes
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Random: What are your hobbies?
Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups š
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
Your mama's so fat, when she grew an inch, she pushed the Earth down.
You only put your user name under Daddyboy_01 because your dad left you, hahahah!
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Your mom.
I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.
1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
I saw a girl crying. I asked her, "Where are your parents?" She cried as I got kicked out of the orphanage.
For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Is your home the Twin Towers? Because I'm tryna crash!
What's worse than dedicating your life to build back the towers? Doing it and getting terrorized for it...
You're as tall as a giraffe.
Well, that's why you look like a baked bean!
If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?