You're jokes
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
Your hairline is so far back Trump was ashamed.
What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
I can see my future in your forehead.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"
The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"
Make like your hairline and scram!
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
Your forehead is so big that your face touches your chin.