You jokes

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit roll-up.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

What do you call a dog that tells time?

A watchdog.

What do you tell a depressed person?

Just hang in there!

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?

Other: What's snoo?

You: Not much, how 'bout you?

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!

High school is amazing. Like if you agree!

If you measured your hairline with a protractor, it would show 90 degrees.

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.

what do you call a cow that fell?

Ground beef.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make them clap until their parents come back.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

Like if you have a dad.