You jokes
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
You were born so fat they needed two cranes to carry you.
How do you plan a party in outer space?
You planet.
House for sale: five minutes from the beach or eight seconds if you fall.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
Unfortunately, many soles were lost.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
Why are some people African?
Because genes, you dummy!
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.