You jokes

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"

Girl: Dad, where are you?

Dad: I went to go get milk.

Girl: But we have milk.

Dad: I know, I just don't love you.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What is an orphan's least favorite show? “How I Met Your Mother.”

I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

I hope you have to squeeze the hell out of toothpaste only for the little bit to fall down the sink drain.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

(Answer) Ground beef.

Sorry for a bad joke.

How it be when the new guy takes too long...

Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.

Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.

Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.

Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.

Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

"Fuck me right in the balls, you dirty cow!"

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until their parents come home.

What do you call a one-legged China man?

Ty Whon Shu.

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

What's one advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚

Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.

What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.