You jokes

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.

Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.

What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?

Crack/her

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

A money manager who counts bars.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?

Stole his slogan, just do it!

Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

What happens when you have dry elbows at work?

You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?

Except at a funeral.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.