You jokes
What does one emo kid say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"
It works, my brother has never slept better
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.
Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
Do you know what SAWCON is?
SAWCON deez nuts.