You jokes
You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?
If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?
Doesn't having depersonalization mean that you're like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
Memes
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and a cow?
You can't milk the same cow for 15 years.
What did the plane say to the twin towers?
"Lmao, you twins don't know how to play Jenga. Here, let me show you how!" (BOOM) ;)
What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
What do you call a selfie that an orphan takes?
A family picture.
Do you want to know how the NY Jets got their name?
What do you call a blind German? A not-see Nazi.
Sans: What do you have there?
Frisk: A KNIFE!
Sans: NOO!!!
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
What do you call a picture of an orphan?
A family photo.
Name a nut. You because are nuts.
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.