You jokes

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.

What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

How do you kill time?

Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.

What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!

There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?

(Ten, if you count in base 13!)

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?

You shove them on!

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

What do you call a Mexican that has lost his car?

Carlos!

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?