You jokes
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
Hi 👋 I love you!
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
What do you call a band made of cheese?
Grate That!
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh!
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
What do you call dogs dressed as dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!