You jokes

Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

Why would Tommy kill Philza's wife just to make Phil believe she didn't exist?

LIKE AND SUB IF YOU LI/j

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

What do you call a group of transgender women?

X-Men.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.

How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.

What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?

Shredded tweet!

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.