You jokes

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?

Run over.

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

How did you get Sally into a blender?

- Without much resistance.

How do you get Sally out of a blender?

- Tortilla chips.

Will you remember me in 7 years?

(Yes)

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?

It's only got 10 hours to live.

An assassin threatens a planet.

The planet remains calm.

The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they...

Have you heard about the new movie with Stephen Hawking as the star? It's called "Unplugged."

What do you call a chill transgender?

Fictional.

Are you a banana...

because I find you a-peeling!

Papyrus: Sans, stop being a lazy Bones.

Sans: Why bro, guess you don't have the back bone to do anything, heheh.

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.

Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"