You jokes

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

2 weeks here.

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.

Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*

You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?

Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.

What do jokes serve for dessert?

Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.

What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.

If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?

You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.

Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.

What do you call a stoner when horny?

A weed whacker!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

What did the dirt say to the embers?

You look smoking hot.

I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.

What do you call a skeleton's omelet?

A bonelet.

What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?

Time to get in trouble!