You jokes
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
You know what the difference between Kobe Bryant and Russell Westbrook is?
He wears 0 and Kobe has 0 lives left.
If you take an emo kid grocery shopping.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Memes
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
If you play the movie "Jaws" in reverse, it's a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
Are you a highway? Because I wanna lay on you.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why would Tommy kill Philza's wife just to make Phil believe she didn't exist?
LIKE AND SUB IF YOU LI/j
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
Bro, you can't talk; you look like the dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?
Yung Flung Dung.
GF: What do you think of our love?
BF: Count the stars in the sky.
GF: Aww... It's infinity!
BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.
If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Person: You're so ugly.
Me: You ugly.
Person: I'm not a mirror.
Me: And I'm not your reflection.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...
But it’s quite pointless.