You jokes
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
How do you tell the difference between a girl spaghetti and a boy spaghetti?
Meatballs.
What do you call an orange parrot? A carrot!
"Me tells dad joke often."
"I want to hear it."
"Me? You wouldn't get it."
Memes
What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
What do you call a turkey when it is scared?
A chicken.
Are you a cheese 🧀 from Denmark? Because your "guta."
Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?
Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".