You jokes
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Did you know Kurt had dandruff?
Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
What do you call an Iraqi who owns a camel and a goat?
Bisexual.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.