You jokes
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
What do you say when an emo cuts themself?
"Like your cut, G."
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
That one stupid kid in class :
How do you execute Stephen Hawking?
The electric wheelchair.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...
Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
F*ck you.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”
Me: Then which one are you?