You jokes

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

Have you heard of the current event in Africa? It’s called the Hunger Games.

Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

My depression: hey, what's up!

Me: go away.

My depression: well how rude.

Me: 🙄.

My depression: remember that one time......

Me: no, don't even.

My depression: that we.....

Me: nope.

My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

Me: 😳😶😟.

My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

What do you call a dad in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

What can you say to make a rape victim feel better?

"It will be over soon."

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

A candy baa.