You jokes

That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?

Neither has he.

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.

The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

What do you call a dad in the mirror?

(Your imagination.)

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

What do you call a special police officer?

Officer down!

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!