You jokes
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
What do you call an otter video game that is about robbing?-
Grand Theft Otter!
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.