You jokes
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!
You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?
A bull dozer.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?
A: Depends how hard you throw them.
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.