You jokes
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
What do you call an emo with no legs?
Emobile.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Me time.
Yo mama's hairline got so many peaks and valleys, you thought you were looking at the Grand Canyon.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Your momma's so fat she started "Fat Lives Matter". Meetings are everyday:
11 o'clock McDonald's, 12 o'clock KFC, 1 o'clock Pizza Hut.