You jokes
Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Why do you call a fat midget?
Jiggly Puff.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
What do you call a surprised Asian?
Ho Lee Fuc.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.