You jokes
Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
The Virgin Mobile.
Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!
When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!
Later!
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
What do you call a stoner when horny?
A weed whacker!
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
What do you call funny waves? Wave Chappelle.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
How can you tell if Google is a girl?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.