You jokes
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!
What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.
What is the difference between a comma and a period?
A comma gives you a pause, but a period gives you sleep.
You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
What do you call a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Cosby?
Predator.
One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).
So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."
You built like you in the 1980's!
Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!
You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"
What do you call an Israeli strike against Gaza?
A Kike Strike!
What did Andrew Tate say to the fat kid?
"I miss you."