You jokes

How do you get ten babies in a bucket?

With a blender.

What do you call an old snowman?

Answer: Water.

What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.

Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].

Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?

It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.

What do you call a cow?

A cow!

What do you say to your partner with diabetes?

Hey, sugar!

Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.

Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.

Me: I can only see fat.

You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...

You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"

What do you call an Israeli strike against Gaza?

A Kike Strike!

Hi, I'm Adopt, and you guys hurt my feelings. It is not God :(😔😞😔🥺. I'm just a kid. I'm 7.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

How you guys not even know who did it? Hahahahaha.

LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.

Shrek- Should I pull the trap?

*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*

LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB

Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.

Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.

Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?

Kids: Yeah!

Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!

Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.

*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*

Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.

Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.

Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.

Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.

Nathan: WE-WE

Alicia: WEE-WEE?

Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes

Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u

Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*

Alicia: *WEIRD*

Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose

Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess

cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou

nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy

cuugh umm

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: no one stands up.

Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*

Little Johnny: *stands up*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"