You jokes
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
Have you heard of the work called "ligma balls?"
Huh what you say?
Come fight me, suck a dick.
I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
How do you get away with murder?
Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"
Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"
You can’t land on Uranus XD
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?
Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.
If you think I sound sexy, just reply "sexy."
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
"Piggy killed you with a bat because he is fat 0-0."
My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?
Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.
You so gay you have a fat sis and?
Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.
When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.
Me: Takes five minutes.
Me: Hun, you done yet?
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.