You jokes
You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I am high and so are you.
Did you know Stephen Hawking died in a game? The game was Happy Wheels.
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
You know sex is better than logic, but I could've proved it...
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
Your mom stinks.
That is my joke.
You mom doesn’t really stink.
I know I am stupid. 🤕
How do you get ten babies in a bucket?
With a blender.
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.
What do you call a cow?
A cow!
Were you born on a highway? Because that's where accidents mostly happen.
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
What do you call a cow with all of his legs? High steaks.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
"Gwen, are you still there?"