You jokes

What do you call your mom?

Basement bound.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

Have you ever eaten a clock before? I heard it’s very time consuming.

Did you hear Biden went to the ER?

He's having a little trouble with his Putin.

The 🦅 asked the female eagle, "What did you eat?"

"I ate New York hot dogs."

I hope you have to dip your Oreos in water because your dad never came back with the milk.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

What do you call a sad porno?

A tear jerker.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

Why can you hit an orphan?

Because they can’t tell their parents.

If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

Just a pickup line.

"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."

When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!

What is 8 divided by 2?

Answer: 3 (you cut 8 in half).

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

What do you call a garage that is gay?

A gyarge.