You jokes

What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.

How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.

What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.

How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they.

"What did the zero say to the eight?"

"That belt looks good on you!"

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"

"Sofishticated."

How do you hire a horse? Easy. Just put up a ladder.

What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.

How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.

What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your dirty laundry!

My father always used to say:

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."

Until the accident.

Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?

I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.