You jokes

I’m not funny! Please do not laugh at my jokes! But do check them out, they’re very unpredictable. Read them, do not laugh, they’re jokes, do not laugh at them!

Someone: hah- Me: NO DON’T YOU DARE!😠😠

Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

Is your fridge running?

Why yes, it is!

Then you better go catch it!

What happens when you search nudes on my phone?

Nothing, I don't have any.

When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.

By the way, have you seen my sister?

Me and my mom order Chinese food.

My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

What do you call sex?

Making cake.

I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?

What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?

Jurassic Park.

What do you say to toast with bad shoes?

"Butter those."

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

What do you call a man with no toes?

No Toe Joe.

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

What time is it when you need to go to the toilet?

Two-ply!

What do you call a magic car?

A flying carpet.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Would you like a piece of Africa?

Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.