Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
You Jokes
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What do you call a pig that pulled a leg? Pulled pork.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
How do you know when German people break into your house? When you can not find your bed.
What time is it when you say, "Wake up?"
It is morning.
What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!
Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)
Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Ever heard of rape jokes?
No?
Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.
A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
Gwen, don't worry, everyone hates you, by the way! Have anything to say? Then who cares? You can't stop me.
Unknown person is going to give you a hint of who hates you...we were in a club, a meeting...btw this is you!
[Image of Gwen]
Later, Bitch!!!!!!!!
Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.
Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.
Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.
P.S. No hating in these comments.
Bick: Jesus isn't real.
Ron: Yes, He is.
Bick: Prove it, bitch.
Ron: Cussing is a sin. Open the curtains.
Bick: Wh-?
Ron: JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!
The sunlight shone through the window, landing on Ron and Bick. Both of them died and went to hell.
Ron: Fuck you, Jesus.
Bick: Told you Jesus was real.
Satan: Get to work, slaves.
Moral of the story: Stay off the marijuana.
What is the difference between shroud and a shroud imposter?
Shroud uses reddit, and the imposter uses WJE.
Reddit king and q, I really dgaf what you say, you guys are practically obsessed with me cuz ur leaving hate comments on almost all my jokes, so stop. You're obviously gonna look bad if you just insult meh jokes.
If you guys dont like my jokes, you can just dislike and not leave a comment, ok?
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.