You jokes

My wife is a whore, so I pimped her out and broke her mentally and emotionally, taught her a good lesson of being a real woman loyal to her man. End of story, you women are bitches.

You don't have any balls.

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.

Lady: I am going to come to your house.

Man: Ok.

An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.

Man: You are going to cum to my house!

And then he fucks her.

Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?

There cheetah you.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the “p” is silent.

FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?

LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?

FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!

LONELY ORPHAN: :(

If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?

God- make a grumpy old man president.

Angel- why?

G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

A- okay.

G- make him not pay taxes.

A- okay...

Fast forward to 2020

G- you know that grumpy old man?

A- yea...

G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

A- Krona.

G- exactly.

A- why do you hate humans so much?

G- because I can.

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

What do you call a Chinese car thief?

Tommy Tookamota.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

What do you call an @EB with no ears?

An Explain B.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."

You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

What games do you play if you are bored?

Board games.

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"