You jokes

Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.

Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:

Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.

(I would never do that though I love puppies)

What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?

Answer: Who cares?

What do you call a duck with no head?

Your mom gay.

All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starts, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus, you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?

You feel the rush, but don't look down.

What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?

What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.

How do you poop?

What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.

You're so fat, Thanos had to snap three times to destroy you.

Roses are red, the grass is greener,

Every time I think of you, I play with my weenie.

What do you call a person with no arms?

Armless.

Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles.

How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?

Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!

Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?

Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!

Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?

Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...

TWO HOURS LATER

Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."