You jokes

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

To those who are dead now, was it fun?

Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!

Now you should let your imagination work... imagine naked Jesus with an erection... and nail holes in his hands...

Stop with dumb orphan jokes, you dumb ass people!!!!!!!!!!

They're not funny one bit, so stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When the school shooter finds you under the table,

"Wonderful weather we're having!"

Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.

Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?

Yeah.

Why?

Because I got too obsessed with hares.

Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.

Patrick: *picks up nuke*

Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!

Patrick: Yes.

Nuke: *boom*

Why are the jokes fat? Because you made it.

What is a good time for dinner, and what do I do for you? And dinner, dinner, and what, yyyuyy dinner? 🍴 Night time.

All these females swear they loyal... but you can’t put loyalty on a hoe.

What time is it when you get home and you can't walk?

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

Earlier that day...

Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.

Mission on space.

Mars: Moon? You okay?

Moon:...

Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!

*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*

What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?

Parallel Parkinson's.

What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?

...Ollie the clown!

Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.

Sister: No, I won't stop.

Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.

Sister: What? You will see when I post it.

Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?

Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.

One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."