What do you read on Halloween?
You Jokes
"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"
"No, it's 26."
"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."
"You're missing one more."
"I'll give you the D later."
"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."
Do you love water?
Then you love 75% of me.
Me: What are you?
Jake: A muddeasso.
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
What do you say when you sister's annoying you?
Go oasis (go away sis)!
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.
1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?
2nd person: What?
1st person: A pianist.
Do you wanna know why orphans don’t play baseball?
They don’t know what home is.
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
What do you put on a cheeseburger? It's a wrap!
Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
What do you call roller skates you can walk in?
"Wock n' roll."
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.